The setting is LA, where 2 sisters are each on a search for "the one" aided by an implanted device on their wrist that counts down until the day you will meet your match (hence the title "Timer"). One sister's timer reads that she won't find hers until in her early 40's (she's depressed about it but makes the most of it while sleeping around with soon to be "matched" men, not the best decision) while the other sister's timer is blank. A blank timer signifies that your match does not yet have a timer (the movie implies it's not as accepted/popular in Oklahoma, Kansas, etc.) so this character sometimes persuade men she's dating w/o timers to get one to find out if he's her match.
I can't say I've ever watched a sci-fi romantic comedy before, but it was definitely interesting! Lately the topic of "singleness" has been on my mind. As my blog title states it, I am single and I'm ok with that. In a way I prefer it b/c I know how to do the single thing well, dating is a bit unnerving since it's not a familiar activity for me. Recently I've spent a lot of time talking with friends about this topic. I first discussed it with a friend who like me grew up in small town America on the East Coast. We spent our time contrasting and comparing men and dating styles West v. East coast. Next I talked with several friends living here in PA about the dating demographics of our area and church. Most recently, my parents and I spent several hours during their visit discussing our thoughts/feelings/hopes/dreams. Fleet Foxes has a song called "Montezuma" and the opening lyrics are:
"So now I am older than my mother and father
when they had their daughter
now what does that say about me"
It's funny b/c my parents and I just had that exact same conversation. They were married by my age, owned a home, and were trying to have a baby. I'm nowhere close to that! To quote the song, "What does that say about me"?
This can be viewed from several aspects.
- Depending on where I am geographically determines the culture of my singleness. When in my hometown of MD or in the South (yes, I know MD is the Mason Dixon line but honestly, that state is like Switzerland) I was more aware of my single status. I did feel, at times, that people looked at me weird for still being single and it made me wonder if there was something wrong with me. I'd even venture to say that 50-75% of my friends (high school+college+post college) are either seriously dating, engaged, married, or married with kids! It was more of an expectation of life. While living in California, being single at my age is as natural as breathing and that mindset (currently) makes me not worry or question "if I'll ever have a boyfriend or get married". So by the Atlantic standards I'm a little behind, but I've still got a few good years by Pacific standards.
- Depending on the audience and how old they are, combined with the customs of dating during their teen/s20's it creates an interesting dynamic when looking at my life. Back in the day marriage was more respected and necessary. If you wanted a car, a house, kids or to travel internationally/take great vacations then you probably needed to be get married. In today's world, I make enough money to afford a car, house, possibly even adopt my own kid if I never get married, and travel (instead of waiting to go somewhere exotic on my honeymoon b/c who knows when that will be.) I love my grandparents, and know that they love me, but I'm sure they are secretly wondering what is wrong with their cute, funny, successful granddaughter to cause her to still be single. If there is something wrong, please tell me so I can fix this "problem".
- In my personal opinion, being single at 25 (just a few days shy of 26) is fine. Originally I thought I'd go to college, meet my husband and graduate with both my BSN and MRS. degrees, but that didn't happen. Surprisingly, I was ok with it. Then I moved to a new place, started my nursing career, became an active member in a large singles group at my church, thought I'd meet a guy there like many of my friends did, and again it didn't happen. Still ok. So here I am gallivanting to different cities every 3 months and I've not yet started the path towards dating/marriage. Still ok...I think.
As stated above, I know the single life and do it well. Remaining comfortable is an easy choice. I've prioritized what areas of my life are adaptable to change based on risk of hurt. I probably won't get hurt or hurt someone else as I "date" these hospitals for a few months. They won't miss me so much that they cry in my absence, or talk about me until all the other new people tell them they're tired of it and want them to shut up. I can walk in and out knowing it's a 3 month commitment, and possibly longer if I choose it to be. However, taking a risk that someone else likes me and things may not work out, or things may work out for longer than 3 months---it sometimes terrifies me! I'd like to attribute this to my lack of dating history and conservative upbringing, but I don't want to lay blame on others so I'll own up to the fact that I'm scared of letting someone else down or wasting their time (could you guess I struggle with being a people pleaser?)
All this reflection to say, I probably wouldn't get a timer. Sometimes I think not knowing when "it" a.k.a. meeting the one is better. Maybe it's the element of surprise? Maybe it's the feeling that I can live life w/o expectations so that whenver something good happens I can be pleasantly surprised? I think my biggest worry currently is how selfish I feel my lifestyle has become and I fear being too independent. My parents asked me if I was praying for my husband, and I honestly had to answer no. While it is a desire, it is not my current desire. "He" is not someone I pray for regularly and maybe it's because I think that if I do start praying for him, then he'll come, and it won't go as I planned (yes, I have control issues). For now I'm praying that I'm more considerate of others, and that I can learn to ask for help or allow others to help even when I know I can do it on my own (I need to learn to share the burden).
There's so much more I could write, but that is enough for now. Any thoughts in being single in your 20's? I hope I didn't paint a depressing picture! If you've read any of my other posts I think you'd know that I am blessed with a great family and wonderful friendships that last across the miles, and always have an adventure right around the corner ;)
All this reflection to say, I probably wouldn't get a timer. Sometimes I think not knowing when "it" a.k.a. meeting the one is better. Maybe it's the element of surprise? Maybe it's the feeling that I can live life w/o expectations so that whenver something good happens I can be pleasantly surprised? I think my biggest worry currently is how selfish I feel my lifestyle has become and I fear being too independent. My parents asked me if I was praying for my husband, and I honestly had to answer no. While it is a desire, it is not my current desire. "He" is not someone I pray for regularly and maybe it's because I think that if I do start praying for him, then he'll come, and it won't go as I planned (yes, I have control issues). For now I'm praying that I'm more considerate of others, and that I can learn to ask for help or allow others to help even when I know I can do it on my own (I need to learn to share the burden).
There's so much more I could write, but that is enough for now. Any thoughts in being single in your 20's? I hope I didn't paint a depressing picture! If you've read any of my other posts I think you'd know that I am blessed with a great family and wonderful friendships that last across the miles, and always have an adventure right around the corner ;)
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